Lost

Sometimes I feel like I exist surrounded by transparent walls, with no way in or out. I just stand there, behind these walls, watching other people walk by, living their lives, blissfully ignorant of the pain I feel every day. They can't get in and they don't show any sign of ever desiring to do so. They look at me, see me standing there, and keep living. This goes to strangers (of course), but also friends and family. People who claim to know me.

The fucked up part is that I've built these walls myself and keep them up, even though it killing me. I keep them up and even if I'd want to get out, I can't. I just keep standing behind my walls, watching them be happy and feeling miserable.

There are only handful of people I've ever let come inside my walls and all of them have left me worse than before. Every time some get's trough and I let them in, they crush me and the walls grow that much thicker. This makes me harder and harder to let anyone else in.

I'm afraid I'll stay here forever. That I just keep smiling out, even though inside I'm dying. I can't get out and I'm growing more and more afraid of letting anyone else come in. These walls contain my labyrinth, or to put it in the words of my own lyrics, my maze of misery. I feel lost in myself. I can't get out. Only way out by myself is death.

I'm not even sure if anyone can help me out. They can only come in and make my life tolerable for awhile, then they all leave, I get more lost and the walls get higher.

The worst part is that I'm too afraid to let anyone else know I'm suffering. I just smile. Tell them I'm all right. That I just want to be left alone, even though I don't.

I don't want people to really know me, because if they do and leave it hurts a lot more, than strangers leaving. So all my relationships with outsiders are superficial. To others, I'll just be paper. 2D. With no deeper meaning. But behind that facade I hide all the pain and suffering of my past, my present and my future.

All I do is smile

Like everything's all right

Even though I'm dying inside

I'm getting sick of all these lies

But I can't let them know

My labyrinth keeps me inside and the walls keep others outside. I'm too weak to get out and too afraid to let anyone in. This is where I was born, where I live and where I die...alone.

You are stuck forever

In the maze of misery

Only death will free you

From the maze of misery