The five stages

So there's this theory from psychology I've been thinking a lot lately called Kübler-Ross model or the five stages of grief/death/loss. What it says is that when a person experiences something tragic such as a death of a relative, they all experience the same stages to cope. The stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Apparently, they're supposed to happen in that order. I've been going through these stages myself lately, but not really in that order. First denial, then anger, bargaining and depression all at once. So I wanted to share my experiences with these, one stage at a time.

1. Denial:
At first, when our relationship started to fall apart, I was in deep denial. I just couldn't believe that it would actually end, even though it was pretty clear that it would. I couldn't cope with the idea, that it would happen again so I just denied myself of all the thoughts of breaking up.
I think it's normal to think at first that it's not true. Especially in this situation. But the fact is that it ended and then I got past this stage. The next three stages for me happened simultaneously, but I'll still talk about them one at a time.

2. Anger:
Anger for me is the one, that I dislike the most. I don't want to be angry at her and I'll never show it to others, but there are times (especially at night) I think things like "How could she do this to me? After everything I did for her"
For me these thoughts are something I'm actually ashamed of. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to blame her. I don't blame her. I'm angry at myself for being angry at her.
I hate the feeling of anger. I just feel it's an useless emotion. What's to gain for me to be angry at her? It won't bring her back. It won't make me feel better. Anger just fuels more anger, and I don't like it. But I can't help it. Especially when I have a feeling, that she already has found someone else... I haven't confronted her about this yet, because I don't want to see her, but that's the main thing that makes me angry.

3. Bargaining:
Bargaining part means, that I'm trying to do something, to persuade her to get back together with me. For me this happens subconsciously. I'm pretty sure if she asked me to get back together, I couldn't do it. Still I've been having an urge to do things she wanted me to do, when we were together, that I never came around to then. Somehow I feel, that if I do them now, she'd want me back even though I know she won't.
I guess this has it's benefits though. The things I've been doing are things that I also wanted to do, but been too lazy or scared to do them. So thanks to this stage, I'm getting shit done. It still hurts though.

4. Depression:
So this is the shittiest stage in my opinion. From time to time I feel that I don't want to keep going without her. She was the best and the biggest thing in my otherwise lousy life and now I just feel empty. I feel like my life has lost all its meaning. Due to this, I'd just want to lay on the bed all day, doing nothing. Also I've lost my appetite.
For me, this stage has also brought up the feeling of worthlessness. I feel like I'm never going to be good enough for anyone, since I wasn't enough for someone who told me she loved me. At times I think I'm not allowed to love. That the universe won't allow me to be happy with anyone. That there's nothing good about me, that anyone would ever love.

5. Acceptance:Now this is the stage when it's finally over. Where you're finally over the thing that bothered you. I'd love to tell you about this stage, but I'm still in the stages 2-4. They're all happening at once and it's really hard for me to handle. I just want to get over her, since apparently she got over me pretty fast, but I just can't. I still feel like shit every day and keep going trough the three middle stages.
For me the final stage will probably take a lot of time. Especially since my life is pretty lonely now. I just don't have any way to deal with my feelings. So I'll just stay at home, alone and wait.